He’s that macho, ultra-masculine, “to-ta-lee” HAWT guy who works out at the gym just about every time you do. He appears to be straight—or at the very, very least, bisexual and on the down-low.
You don’t eyeball, ogle or stare—because you’re afraid of what his reaction will be. However, you do throw the occasional glance at him. And when you do, you sweat even more, and get all a flutter! And of course, you get all worked UP as you continue to work out.
And no matter what you do, just can’t read the guy! “Daymn.”
But why do you care? Well, it’s because you can’t seem to stop fantasizing and dreaming about how it would feel to “git busy” with him! Those salacious thoughts burn inside your head, your heart…and maybe in another “strategic” area–if you catch my drift.
Have you ever experienced this scenario? I crafted it because I ran across the post, “How to Pick Up a Straight Man at the Gym.” The piece is from a website called, gaymuscleandlove.com, which lists seven steps to do just that.
I’m not advocating that you put this “game plan” into play. Many of you might think it’s a bad idea to hook up with a guy from the same gym you work out in. (Count me as one of those.)
However, you can take these steps seriously…or as tongue-in-cheek. (As a matter of fact, I found some of this “advice” hilarious!) And please ‘memba: I’m only the messenger!
For clarity and better flow, I’ve rephrased the original post. I’ve also added in some components that I felt were missing. (Hey! Wyattevans.com gives you the best! Freakin’ always.)
So, WARNING! Use these steps at your own PERIL (He might knock you on your butt!), or your own PLEASURE. (Instead, He might be all “ovah” your butt—which would be a good “thang.”. Right? LOL!)
- Find out The Bro’s name. This is important. There are three ways to do this: (a) Ask someone at the front desk or discreetly talk to other gym members; (b) As The Bro swipes in at the front desk, closely watch his personal information. (I’d advise you to have your “sneaky-clever” skills totally “up to snuff and on point” before you try this.); and (c) Eavesdrop on his conversations and listen for a name. (To avoid getting caught, you’d better be…well, a ghost!) However, if he’s the silent type and keeps to himself, you’ll need to select A or B.”
- Search the internet and social media. You have The Bro’s name, courtesy of step 1. Now, do an internet search. If he’s really straight, you’ll need to end your efforts unless you have a strong and compelling reason to believe he might be curious. Now, if he’s gay or you suspect he might be “down” with hooking up, proceed to step 3.
- Ask for that spot! Select the day you’re going to make your move, and show just the right amount of skin—you see, you wanna prove to The Bro that you, like he, is workin’ hard on that physique! At the gym, be sure to use equipment that’s near his location—since you’ve been watching this “brutha” for some time now, you should pretty much know his entire workout routine. In a friendly—but masculine—way, make eye contact. And then, later on (but not too much later on), walk over to him and ask for a spot.
At this point, avoid the temptation to strike up a major conversation—just ask for the spot, get that spot–and “git yo’ phine butt” outta there! If you wanna introduce yourself at some point, cool. Two critical things you wanna do: (1) not embarrass yourself; and (2) gauge his response and confirm there’s any potential interest. (Oh, and regarding spots: asking him to spot you while you’re flat on your back on the bench press while he stands behind you is NOT a good idea! This will make perfect sense after thinking about it for a minute.)
- Say thanks and walk away that day. Now that you’ve made verbal and perhaps quasi-physical contact, you should have a basic understanding of what you’re dealing with. Caution: don’t be tempted to ask The Bro for another spot during this gym visit. Save your next contact for a future workout session. (“Anticipation is delicious….”)
- Make sure you say “Yo!” when you see The Bro in the gym. Due to Step 3, you have a reason to say “hello”—and even make small talk. Now, keep the conversation easy, simple. Based on you being “I Spy” (due to Step 2), you might wanna ask a few Qs (questions) relating to something you know The Bro’s interested in. And ‘memba: make sure you talk about the gym and working out—both you guys already have that in common.
- Repeat Step 5 several times—but with a twist. Now, adhere to that timeworn adage, “Slow and steady wins the race.” Before you go for the gold—that is, before making yo’ real move—let a few “bump-ins” at the gym happen. Each and every time you see The Bro, be sure to keep any interactions upbeat and on the positive. Hopefully, he’s now offering to spot you, or vice-versa.
Now that you’ve both been talkin’ and sharing, you should have a good sense of what’s possible! It’s time to make sure he notices you checking him out. Caution: be just slightly obvious, not “cray-cray.”
- Really make yo’ move! This is critical, and what you’ve been diligently, meticulously, and carefully working towards. So, simply ask The Bro if he’d like to “hang out” sometime. If he’s actually gay, he will know exactly what you mean.
If The Bro is straight but curious, you’ll probably have your work cut out for ya. If that’s the case, invite him to a straight bar and “tie one on.” If he hasn’t picked up on yo’ vibe at this point, The Bro’s either clueless—or likely waiting for you to make more of that move. If he doesn’t take the bait after you go further, it’s “lights out.” (And I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout “unda tha sheets,” either. What I mean is that all of your well-constructed, thought-out and executed efforts have been for naught. Oh, well…)
So there you have it, My Bruthas! If you choose to use this strategy, hit me up. I’d like to know the outcome. “Inquiring Minds Wanna Know….”