“Kiss Me You Fool” 

Guest Writer:  R. L. Norman 

     “Oh, my gosh!  Oh, my gosh!  My parents will be home soon, and this boy peed on my mama’s new couch!  I’ll bet that when she finds out–besides giving me a whooping—she’ll wish she had put plastic on the furniture. She wanted plastic on it when we first got it, but my father said it would make our good furniture look ‘cheap’.”

     Of all things, this was what I was thinking about as I was about to have my first kiss with this new man I’d been dating for a while. We’d been to a few dinners and getting to know each other; but at the end of the evening, we’d never kissed.  And kissing is very important to me.  If a man can’t kiss, then that’s a big turn-off.   

     As we were sitting in his car at the end of the date, I was thinking about the year 1972 when I was twelve years old.  At that time, I was a latch-key kid and I knew exactly when my parents were to arrive home from work, depending on traffic.      

     You see, a latch-key kid means that your parents work during the day, and aren’t at home when you leave school.  

    And as a latch-key kid, I had certain rules. One was that as soon as I got home from school, I had to lock the doors and call my mother at work to tell her I was in the house. I didn’t call my father: he was a bus driver and on the road. (During that time, we didn’t have cell phones.)  Also, my mother worked for the phone company, and it seemed like she was always at her desk when I called.

     And, when my parents weren’t at home, the number one rule was, “No company at all!”

     That day, unfortunately, I broke that rule.  I had company.  And that company peed on my mama’s new couch.

    I didn’t notice it at first. He had left about a half-hour earlier, and I was making sure everything was fine in the house. I didn’t want my parents to realize I had broken a rule.                                       

     But actually, I had broken two rules… The second one was, “Don’t skip school.”

     Well, I did.  And, I’d planned to forge an absent note from my mother saying I was sick and that’s why I didn’t go to school that day.

     I had practiced the note over and over again. The good thing was that my mother always signed the notes “C. Norman” –and not her full name. So I just took a previous note, put it on top of a piece of a blank paper and traced her signature. I would tell my teacher that I wrote the note and my mother had signed it.

     My classmate and friend Jason had also skipped school to come over to spend the day with me.

     We’d been playing around with each other for a while. In fact, he was always chasing me, wanting to wrestle with me and “feel me up.” At first, it was just child’s play. But after a while, he started whispering nasty stuff in my ear.

     “I’m going to get you naked,” he would say. “I want to see your dick,” he added.  Once, he even showed me a picture of his dick,  I was shocked, intrigued and perplexed.

     I thought to myself, “Am I gay? If not, then why is it I can’t stop thinking about that picture–or Jason?”  I was so confused.

     I’d learned about sex in sex education class, and the rest from my parents and other kids. Even though my parents gave me the so-called “talk,” I was still very naïve about what was happening with my body and inside my mind, as different thoughts ran through my head. 

     After a while, whenever I saw Jason, I would run.  Part of it was out of fright because I never knew what he was going to say or do. And the other part was because I didn’t want anyone to know that I liked it, and that I might be gay: especially not Jason!  Who knew what he would do with that “little piece” of information.

     So, we kind of played this “cat and mouse” game until one night, he caught me in a dark alley when I was on my way home.

     I was almost to the end of the alley when all of a sudden, Jason appeared out of nowhere!  He must have been following me.


     I was stunned!  As he slowly approached me, I froze in my tracks.  I wanted to run, but my feet wouldn’t move.  And, he didn’t say one word as he got closer and closer to me. 

     Jason was so near that I could feel his hot breath on my face!  And the only light shining was the moon, which seemed to light up the entire alley for the world to see us. 

     We just stood there face-to-face, just staring at each other. Part of me was scared because I didn’t want anyone to know we were in this alley alone.

     However though, another part of me was intrigued by the whole thing.   

     Jason continued gazing at me, hypnotizing me with his deep, brown eyes.  As he slowly leaned in closer and closer, he stared at me, as if waiting for me to react until his lips touched mine.

     All of a sudden–and without a single word–he kissed me!

     For what seemed like an eternity, Jason pressed his lips against mine. Then, he stood back.

     And we both just stood there, staring at each other once again as if we were anticipating each other’s reaction–which would be the start of my gay experiences.

     But after a few moments, I was so frazzled that I didn’t say a word!  I ran out of the alley all the way home, ending up straight in my bedroom and closing the door.  I was so confused as I lay in the dark with all those thoughts running through my mind.

     I’d just had my first kiss… and it was with a boy!

     Part of me liked it.  However, part of me was so terrified that someone would find out that I might be gay.

     After a while, my mother called me to the phone. I slowly got up and walked passed her as she asked me if I were okay.

     I didn’t answer her. That’s because I was just not sure of the answer!  I went downstairs to pick up the extension.  

     “Hello,” I muttered.

     “How did you like the kiss?”  asked the low voice on the other end of the receiver.

     I was so startled because at first, I didn’t know who it was. My first thought was, “Someone saw us in the alley, and everyone is going to think that I’m gay!”   

     I was petrified.  

     But then, my nervousness turned to more confusion as I realized that the person on the other end of the line was Jason!

     He did most of the talking, and eventually asked me to skip school. I wanted to say “no;” but for some reason, my body made my mouth say “yes!” I didn’t know what I was thinking or saying.

     Several days later, I left the house like I normally did and waited around the corner until my parents left for work. Then I went back home and waited for Jason to arrive.

     “What was I doing? Why is it I can’t get this boy out of my mind? Am I gay?”

     These were my thoughts as I sat there counting the minutes, waiting for him to arrive. 

     Jason arrived around noon, and we sat on the couch not saying much. I wasn’t sure what to say, or what we were doing.  Most of the day, we just watched TV, ate and wrestled around a little bit.

     Then at one point, Jason did the same thing he’d done the other night. He began staring at me without saying a word.

      This time though, two things were different!  First, he put his arms around me, hugging me close.  And second, he stuck his tongue in my mouth.

     At first, I was frozen with shock!  It was so unexpected. But after a few moments, my tongue took on a mind of its own, and we were tongue-kissing each other–and I loved it!   (I believe that’s why today, a man has to know how to kiss to get with me.)

     We ended up rolling around on the couch feeling each other up until eventually, his wishes came true!  We were both naked.

     At one point, Jason lay on top of me and started moving his dick between my legs. As he was doing this, I was thinking to myself, “Is this how sex is supposed to be with two guys?”

     You see, in school, we were taught about sex between a man and woman–not two men. So, I was not sure what we were doing! We were just kind of fumbling around with each other until suddenly, I felt a strange sensation in my body.

     As I felt a sudden rush in my nether region, I was not sure what was happening.  When I moaned a little in Jason’s ear, he did the same.

    After a few moments, the feeling subsided and I felt exhausted. He must have felt the same because he took a deep breath–and then was limp on top of me.

    When he finally got off of me, there was white stuff all over my stomach and thighs. I grabbed a towel, and Jason proceeded to clean us both. How considerate he was.

    After I walked Jason to the door, he kissed me–again. “Hmmmm…I could get use to this kissing thing,” I thought to myself.

    As I was straightening up the living room, I noticed a stain on the couch. “Oh, my gosh!  Oh my gosh!” I thought.  He’d peed on my mama’s good couch.

    I didn’t have time to clean it, so I did the next best thing. I turned the cushion over, hoping my parents wouldn’t see or smell it.

    That night, I called Jason to confront him about peeing on my mama’s good sofa. But come to find out, I was wrong. It was not pee! Jason informed me that it was my “cum” stain on the couch. You see, he’d ejaculated on my stomach, while I did so on my mama’s good sofa. It just looked like a pee stain.  

    WOW… my first sexual experience, and it was with a boy!  Jason and I got together numerous times after that. Of course, I found out later that we never had real sex. I learned how to have real sex in college and I loved it.

    However, that first kiss was amazing, and I loved it a lot. I guess that’s why today, for me, a man has to know how to kiss with feeling and compassion. You have to know what you are doing!  If not, c’est la vie or such is life… bye-bye (smile).

    But we should all cherish our first.  Our first crush. Our first kiss. Our first sexual experience.

     Our first love. 

    Let’s cherish those moments in life that make us feel special. Those moments that make you feel like it’s your very first kiss.

     Let’s cherish the good things in life. They give us precious moments that last a lifetime.

    And by the way, ’til this day, my parents never saw the stain on the couch! And if they did, they never said anything about it. And my date tonight definitely knows how to kiss and because of that, there will be many more dates.

     Let’s just hope he doesn’t pee on my good couch.

R. L. Norman is a writer, performer and author of the popular series of novels entitled, “Honey Let Me Tell You.”  The fourth and latest installment is “Love Is Complicated.”  The sizzling sequel, entitled “Honey Hush…Don’t Ask & I Won’t Tell,” drops soon.  As well, he performs“Norman’s One Night Stand,” a one-man show he conceived and wrote, showcasing the main character of his series.  R. L. also is writing a play based on “Honey Let Me Tell You.”  And catch his Podcast, “Honey Let Me Tell You Something Else, on iTunes.  All of these endeavors are part of his production company, Honey Let Me Tell You.  You may reach R. L. at his on line home, www.rlnorman1.wix.com/honeyletmetellyou; by email at: rl.norman@aol.com; on Facebook at RL NORMAN; on Twitter, @rl_norman; and on Instagram: rlnorman1.