The Most Dangerous Point

October is designated National Domestic Violence Awareness Month (NDVAM). In the LGBTQ+ community, domestic violence and abuse is known as Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse (IPV/A).

My previous IPV/A articles for Wyattevans.com and Qstack (the LGBTQIA+ Community of Substacks) revealed the most common myths of this demoralizing and destructive cycle of behavior. Today, I’m focusing on Separation Violence and Abuse, which can be the most dangerous point in a dysfunctional relationship.

One of the most pervasive and entrenched misconceptions regarding IPV/A is that victims will be safe if they could just leave their abusers. Far too many people believe that victims are free to leave their abusers at any time–and will naturally do so once the level of violence becomes “enough” to force that change.

However, leaving doesn’t necessarily put an end to the violence and abuse. That’s when Separation Violence and Abuse, or SVA, kicks in.

According to www.aardvarc.org, a respected domestic violence information website, “Instead, (leaving) increases dynamics of violence and can initiate new levels of violence and new forms of retaliation from the abuser to the victim. Many abusers believe that the victim ‘belongs to them’ and that as such, they are fully justified in doing whatever it takes to make sure that ‘their property’ remains theirs.” To force the victim to reconcile with them, an abuser may escalate the violence and retaliation.

Psychologytoday.com names the four primary tactics of SVA:

Financial Abuse. This may include blocking access to bank accounts and credit cards or canceling them, thereby ruining the target’s credit.
Isolation. Abusers often work hard to defame their targets, spreading rumors among friends, family, co-workers, and congregations. This reputation assassination may involve usurping their ex’s online identity to make them look bad or spreading rumors that the ex has “lost it.”
Monitoring, Stalking, and Harassment. The monitoring may include apps that track or record their ex-partner’s activities and communications. The abuser may continuously call their ex or send emails, texts, and instant messages.
Threats, Violence, and Homicide. Abusers frequently control their exes with threats. Abusers threaten to release sexual images and ruin their ex’s reputation and livelihood. They may overtly issue threats of bodily harm or a deluge of messages such as, “What if something happens to you, God forbid….” Unfortunately, abusers sometimes carry out these threats, demonstrated by the high number of post-separation homicides. (However, although the risk of intimate partner homicide is highest in the first three months after a separation, leaving still lowers the risk of intimate partner homicide overall.)

Up Next: a survivor of Separation Violence and Abuse shares his harrowing, horrific story.

My website has a special IPV/A section with resources to assist victims and survivors. www.wyattevans.com/ipva/

And if you or someone you know is experiencing Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse (IPV/A), call: